This counter narrative is needed because it reveals my unique individual knowledge beyond logic. The counter narrative is merging my expert position as a designer to my ‘amateur’ (based on my ‘loves’) position. In my thesis I will build an argument why I think those positions can’t be seen separate from each other and need to be integrated. Consequentially my research plays with the fluid boundaries of being an expert and an amateur as a designer. The counter narrative pops up as small particles in my research but are connected by the #blurring realities. These small particles that shape the ‘Counter Narrative GO TO THE MOON AND BACK’ are elements that follow my intrinsic fascinations, and could be considered as my ‘amators’.

I’m fascinated with dust; #narrative: dust. I love these small insignificant seeming meaningless particles. Thinking about dust allows me to zoom in at each individual particle. Dust clouds are literally shaped by all the different materials in the world and embrace an incredibly diversity, and when all these small particles join forces in a cloud suddenly they can have an immense impact. It is inevitable to start my thesis with dust

Zooming out on those dusty particles further and further the same pattern seems to appear in the shape of our galaxy; #narrative: galaxy. The earth becomes a small and insignificant dot that is not even visible in the universe. I find it fascinating that by taking this perspective not only do we ‘as humans’ all of a sudden seem insignificant, but also seem part of something bigger; a part of an ecosystem.

Pirates are my alter ego with a dominant will that pops up beyond my control when I’m on the quest of new territories, idea’s and knowledge.  The #narrative: pirates  infiltrate my research on many occasions. Pirates became my alter ego a few years ago when I just started as a designer. Designing felt like conquering new unknown territories. I heard the story that my Piscaer ancestors might have been pirates sailing the Portuguese waters, and the two first pirate-woman were called Anne (Bonny) and Mary (Read). Accepting my position as a pirate allows me to not be afraid of the unknown and feel like a hero sometimes.

The ‘amator’ I have for amateurs #narrative: amateur is not opposite to my love for pirates. They are both hero’s and anti-hero’s at the same time. Amateurs follow their love’s, and are on their particular quest. By doing so they are not afraid to fail, do things wrong, clumsy, strange or unconventional; they experiment and do it their way. This ability to fail and love is a treasure in my research.

Embracing the counter narratives makes this research non-linear, and by times messy. I experimented with equally valuing both the expert as well as my amateur position during the evaluation of this research, by creating a moment for celebrating the amateur position as well. It is operating on the fluid boundaries of the profession. To be an expert and amateur.